An Abuse of Rhetorics
by isaf007
Summary: Over dinner, Robin must give Starfire 'The Talk'. Chaos, double entendres, and poorly made jokes ensue.


"So what do you call a woman who can't talk, has no teeth, and obeys every command?"

Beast Boy asks between bites of Tofu.

"I don't like where this is going…" Robin says lamely.

"No, no this sounds like one of BB's better jokes." Cyborg waves his fork dismissively at Robin. "Continue, Sir Grass Stain."

Beast Boy ignores the insult. "Well you gonna guess?"

Cyborg shrugs his massive shoulders. "Nah, I don't know."

Beast Boy tilts his head at the cloaked figure across the table. "Raven?"

"Pass." (But of course she does)

"Okay, so what do you call a woman who can't talk, has no teeth, and obeys every command?" Beast Boy pauses for effect, letting the joke sink in.

"Evolution!" He finally cries out, observing the table with dancing eyes.

Cyborg chortles.

Robin suppresses a grin.

Raven shakes her head.

Starfire … Starfire wasn't there.

Huh.

"Where's Starfire?" Beast Boy asks.

Cyborg looks pointedly at the masked figure. "Robin?"

The Boy Wonder looks up defensively, "I'm not her keeper."

"Mmmm." Raven hums her opinion while she sips daintily from her mug of herbal tea.

Cyborg pauses between mouthfuls of steak and potatoes. "The Empath's opinion is law."

"Opinion? She didn't say a word!" Robin retorts. (He's so clearly on the defensive.)

"Yeah, but she said soooo much." Beast Boy adds with a mischievous grin.

"Oh come on -"

"Friends!" Starfire interrupts and immediately takes her seat next to Robin. "I see you have started the feasting of dinner without me!"

"Sorry Star." Robin apologizes. "We called for you, but you didn't answer."

"I fixed you a plate Starfire, it's waiting for you on the counter." Cyborg points behind him to reiterate the point.

"That was Star's?" Beast Boy asks as nonchalantly as possible.

Cyborg glares at him. "BB, you did not…"

The changeling lets out a low laugh, "I'm just kidding you dude."

"Good." Cyborg replies and digs back into his plate.

Beast Boy smiles guiltily and gives his best unashamed face to Raven while no one is looking. She sighs and shakes her head.

"Thank you friend Cyborg." Starfire says, "but the reason for my delay is that I am quite busy at the moment. I came down here to ask a question about an Earth term I am unfamiliar of."

"What's that Star?" Robin asks.

"I wish to know the meaning of the word sex." She innocently declares.

Cyborg coughs.

Beast Boy laughs.

Raven raises her eyebrows, but says nothing.

Robin … Robin pauses.

"Uh…" He finally manages.

"Are you unfamiliar with the expression?" She asks the Boy Wonder.

"Well -

"Yeah, Robin, are you _unfamiliar _with the expression?" Cyborg asks enticingly.

"I'm quite familiar with the term, Cyborg, as if it is any of your business." Robin answers a little too quickly.

"Oh really, how familiar?" Beast Boy interjects, and he and Cyborg grin impishly as they watch their team leader twist in awkwardness.

"Familiar enough." Is his only answer.

"Fair enough." Cyborg replies, his grin slowly turning into a smile.

"Yeah, lay off Tin man, there was that little ordeal with Kitty…" Beast Boy adds, feigning a defensive for Robin.

"Hey th-"

"This 'sex' has to do with animals then?" Starfire questions, confused by the current conversation.

"Depends on how you like it Star." Beast Boy says with a laugh. He catches Raven's eye, and she rolls them skyward at him.

"How so, friend Beast Boy?"

"Well -

"DON'T" Robin says a little louder than needed. He regains his composure. "Don't listen to them Starfire, they have no idea what they are talking about."

"I see. Well, would you mind explaining this 'sex' to me, Robin?"

"I should record this." Cyborg adds as an afterthought.

"This is going to be like watching a train wreck." Beast Boy eyes twinkle with amusement.

"Shut up." Is all Robin can say at this point.

"This 'sex' then, is it something you record?" Starfire questions, alluding to Cyborg's statement.

Beast Boy cannot help but laugh at this.

"No." Robin states aggressively.

"Then it has something to do with auto vehicles crashing?"

Robin opens his mouth to say something, but silence is all that screams forth.

"It's kind of like crashing, yes." Beast Boy answers.

"Oh really, BB?" Cyborg leans on the table, his head resting on his hand.

"Well it depends." He says with a coy grin. "Depends on how _animalistic _I'm feeling that night."

Raven cocks at an eyebrow at him and Beast Boy grins. "Because I'm sure you've had the experience." She says.

"Hey now Rae. I know you're not forgetting our little trip to Japan and all those crowds of adoring fan girls." Beast Boy counters.

"He has a point Rae." Cyborg lifts his hand for Beast Boy to slap. "BOO-YA!" They shout in unison.

"Guys…" Raven mutters into her tea.

"This 'sex' than." Starfire continues, completely oblivious of the nature of the ongoing conversation. "It can only be performed in Japan?"

"In Beast Boy's case, yes." Raven answers dryly.

"Why is Beast Boy's case special?" Starfire asks.

"Don't listen to her." Beast Boy says with a wave of his hand. "She's just mad that she's about as unfamiliar with the term as you are." He bores his green eyes into Raven's hoping for the hook, line and sinker.

Her face is impassive. "I will not be dragged into that conversation." (Damn!)

He feigns sadness. "Fun dud." His features do a one eighty as he turns to look at Starfire. "As to your question, this 'sex' (he snickers here) can be performed anywhere …" Beast Boy looks to Cyborg to finish his sentence, and on cue -

"Anytime." The half robot says victoriously.

"Anywhere, anytime…" Starfire echoes. "Then this 'sex', it can be performed on my home planet?"

"I should hope so." Cyborg says.

"Or Robin is going to be one lonely guy." Beast Boy finishes and the two friends share a laugh at their leader's expense (he has his head in his hands at this point.)

"I am beginning to understand!" Starfire exclaims happily. "This 'sex' is performed by two people?"

"Only one, in Beast Boy's case." Raven interjects.

Beast Boy glares at the psychic. "Har. Har."

"Generally two people," Cyborg comments. "But if there is more then two people, it's not called 'sex' anymore."

"No?" Starfire tilts her head in a puzzled manner.

"Nope. That's called a 'jackpot'." Beast Boy finishes.

"BOO-YA!"

Raven shakes her head. "I feel my IQ slipping away from me the longer I'm around you two." She mumbles.

"I see." Starfire says more to herself then anyone. "So this 'sex' is an act performed by two people, and if more are involved, then it is called 'jackpot'?"

"You are correct!" Beast Boy screams with laughter.

"I am afraid I still do not completely understand the meaning of this word. Robin, if you may … ?"

Robin takes his head out of his hands. "Okay … well… Star…"

He glances around the table for support.

Beast Boy has his hand clasped over his mouth, his Adam's apple bobbing with barely controlled laughter.

Cyborg sits stone faced, his face taut with restraint.

Raven sips her herbal tea, refusing to look at him.

"Okay. Well…" Robin takes a deep breath. This should be easy! His mind screams at him. He is the defender of Jump City, he has fought off hundreds of villains and leads a team of superheroes! You can do this…

"Robin, are you feeling ill?" Starfire interrupts his thoughts.

The Boy Wonder notices he is sweating. "No, no I'm fine."

"Starfire. You see .. When two people love each other .. They …"

Starfire's eyes light up. "I love you all very much, is this an act I can perform with any of my friends?"

Cyborg chokes on his steak.

"Well maybe…" Beast Boy suggests. "You could show Rav-" His bowl of Tofu explodes in his face.

"Totally worth it." He says with a large smile.

"No not like that." Robin continues, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "When two people … when two people love each other very much…"

Robin went on to continue the process as quickly as he could, using the least amount of words possible.

"Do you understand Starfire?"

She nods, her face deep in thought. The other Titans wait expectantly for her reaction.

Robin sighs. It hadn't been as bad as he had made it out to be.

"Friend Robin?" Starfire asks, her face still a mask of confusion.

"Uh, yeah Star?"

"A question about this form … do I check off the alphabetical letter 'F' or 'M'?"


End file.
